Departure

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The skyline cried
As the stars danced
As the clouds blew
As the night sky bled

The ocean swooned
As the sand caressed
As the shells scattered
As the breeze departed

The moon dipped down
As the shadows overcame
As the evening love vanished
As the starlight gave way to lamplight

The breeze of yesterday died
As the waves crashed alone
As bed covers were drawn back
As the stars died out

The lover closed her eyes
As a single tear fell
As the young man walked home
The sun rose on them the last time

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[Poem][The End]

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Why sit and wait for the end to come?

Why not welcome it with open arms?

After a life lived so many years,

Why not go with some peace?

Is it so bad to close your eyes,

One last time around family?

Is that so bad?

To speak no more,

To watch no more,

To spend no more time a life,

That has been going for so long.

Can’t we close our eyes,

And breath no more?

To hold the hands of grandchildren,

Grown and on their own,

Is it not enough?

Is there more than that to wait for?

When does living stop being about others,

And become about yourself?

When does it become about others again?

Does it?

Does it matter what that family thinks?

Can they understand why it needs to end?

I think they do.

I think all my babies know.

[Poem][Time]

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Why does time

Seem to creep up so quickly

Dates

Deadlines

Due dates

Destinations

Departures

Death

That last one creeps up fast

And there is nothing stopping it

In the blink of an eye

They can be gone forever

We can see it coming

In all that time

And never be able to stop it

It is what you do

It is what you make of the time you have

The clock is running down

The sun setting on every day

Time moves on

No matter who you are

Leave the memories good

And the people you love happy

Leave something that can be smiled upon

Leave time in your tracks

Leave on your own terms

[Rozalia Olah, Rest In Peace][The Passing of my Grandmother]

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In the evening on Wednesday the 18th of February, my Grandmother, my mother’s mother, passed away in her nursing home. She was the beloved wife of the late Michey Olah, and proud mother of Rozalia Balon and Elizabeth Olah-Stojanovski. She loved each of her grandchildren, Michael, Caitlin, Michelle, myself and Kevin to no end. And was never afraid to shake a wooden spoon at us when we were misbehaving.

My mother has endless stories about growing up with my grandmother, in Australia and Canada, and is always more than happy to share them with my and my siblings. Perhaps it is because they’re Hungarian, they had their own way of seeing eye-to-eye. And as we, her grandchildren, became older, we experienced it too, and enjoyed every minute of it.

I still can’t believe she’s gone. We had all visited her on the Tuesday, some saying goodbye, just in case, and the rest saying we’ll see her tomorrow. We sat and we waited for what we knew was coming but hoping wouldn’t. We silently hoped that she would change her mind and eat again. That having everyone around her would renew her reason to live. My grandmother had a massive stroke about 3 years ago. She could not speak or walk, but made strides in being able to use her left arm to feed herself, brush her hair, and developed her own way of communicating with us and her nurses. She did however, hate it there. It’s not that she wasn’t taken care of or treated badly, she just didn’t like being there around other ailing people and people she didn’t know. She stopped trying to speak, never tried walking, and some days would flat out refuse to leave her bed. We couldn’t convince her to keep trying so we could take her out of there.

I’m sitting here struggling to write anything, as I have since Thursday, because I don’t know what to say. I’ve never had anyone this close to me pass away and I don’t know what to do with myself. I miss her so much and there isn’t anything I can do anymore. I know a lot of those who follow my blog have mentioned their own losses either through their own blogs or when we have spoken. How do you handle it? I don’t know how to stop crying every time I think of her.

[Poem][Looked at You]

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Looked At You

There was one day when I looked at you

I don’t remember which day it was

But I know this is fact, 100 percent right

Because today I caught myself looking at you

In the way that I know means some thin special

I never looked at someone before that way

I thought I had, honestly

But then I saw you

You made me realize what that look could mean

For you, for me

And every boy I left behind