Here is to 1 Month

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Today is my 1 month mark at PetsMart!

Still so excited to be working there and meeting other animal lovers who truly care about their pets.

With only one real hiccup that happened yesterday, I believe I’ve been doing a decent job and can easily see myself working there while going through my CPA courses, which will start mid-September.

New Opportunities

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I have begun working as a cashier at PetSmart!

I have been there a few weeks now and I love it so much. I can’t remember the last time I came home from work happy because I enjoyed being at work. Seeing people bring their pets into the store and care so much about them, is inspiring and wonderful to see. These people have taken a creature and made it part of the family, as my family has done for years with all the pets we have had. Going into work makes me think about my baby girl Willow, all the time, but at the same time, it makes me happy to help others make sure they have as much time as possible with their pets.

I definitely needed a change of pace when it came to the places I was working, and I have always wanted to work at a PetSmart but never pushed for it in the past because I was pretty comfortable working at Dollarama. Well, the ease of Dollarama disappeared because of someone I worked with so I quit and moved on to the women’s clothing store, Ricki’s/Cleo’s. I found this job so stressful. I honestly don’t know how people make a career helping multiple people shop at the same time.

PetSmart is going to be a great change for me, and I am excited to be working there during the time I’m doing my accounting courses. As much as I can’t wait to be a certified accountant, I know I am going to enjoy every minute I spend at PetSmart.

[Writer’s Pen]

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Writer’s Pen

I’m not sure what got me started, but I’m pretty sure I will never remember. I’m not sure what made me pick  up my pencil and made me write something I didn’t have to for school or for my parents, or for anything that needed to be written down. Can I explain it as an overactive imagination? Considering I was about 10 when I began writing, it’s quite plausible.

I remember a scene from that wonderful TV series that was cancelled before it could really begin, Almost Human, where two of the main characters share a very cute scene where John uses a pen to write Valerie something on a piece of paper. Doesn’t sounds like anything usually cute or memorable… but this show is based in the “not-so-distant” future, where nearly everything is digital and on tablets and computers. Pens and pencils were obsolete. It was amazing to think of such a state of the world.

It would be pretty amazing to see though. That is the one thing I dislike about my personal writing process: I prefer to write on paper first, then type it up. Killing trees is not on my agenda, but that is how I write. It has always been that way for me, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. I love the feel of a pen in my hand. It feels right than just tapping some keys and watching words appear before my eyes. Too clinical for my tastes, I think at least.

But, I digress. The way I write influences what I write and how I write. It was pens and paper that got me started write in the first place. Why on earth would I take away what got me started?

[100th Post!][Thank You and Goodnight]

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I wanted to thank everyone who is following my blog and are actively reading and liking my blog posts up until this point, and those new WordPress users who have only just begun following my writing. Having you all along for the journey with me gives me a great feeling, knowing there are those that appreciate thoughts that are presented in poems, stories, articles, and reviews. Your support has changed me for the better and I hope my writing has influenced you a bit in the process. Reaching 100 posts in a little over a year is an accomplishment for me.

I have to admit though, I can’t seem to do anything but worry these days. I’m worried about my future and where I may end up. Reaching a point in my life where I don’t have to worry about as many things as I am now seems so far off, how can I feel anything but disappointment and despair? I reached my 24th birthday this year and I feel as though I have done next to nothing with myself. Even though I have been told I am doing fairly alright considering the vast majority of people my age, I feel as though I have willing put myself on a path that may prove too difficult for me to handle in the long run. Writing, becoming an author, being someone that other people want to read and turn to when they want to become writers and so-on and so-on… What if this career choice only leads to a round-about, always leading me back the way I came?

I love to write. Writing is the first thing I think of to occupy my time when I’m bored. Lately though, it has been such a struggle to sit down and take time to myself to write what I want. I think about my characters and their lives placed on pause because I am thinking about something else. Some other people my age have already published their first, some second or even third works, and here I am stuck on completing just one. I have multiple projects going at once, plus the rest of my real life to live though. I’m not asking or even hoping for things to become easier, I like a bit of a struggle. Struggle shows us who we are and what we’re truly capable of. But perhaps I have bit off more than I can chew?

I don’t really expect any responses to this or answers to fall from the sky. It’s healthy to have a bit of a rant and move on, I guess that is what this is. Healthy or not, I’m sure I’ll be posting another of these in the future. Hopefully that one will be a little more optimistic.

Again though, thank you to all who follow my blog. Simply by clicking that Follow button, you make my day infinitely better!

[Crossroads][Should I…]

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Reaching a crossroads is never really easy to resolve. Not knowing if you are actually at a crossroads is far worse, I find. I am right there at this moment. I have completed the Creative Writing Program through Humber College and am still unsure as to where to run to next. I know many of you will think I am too young to have my whole life figured out, but I would at least like to have an idea of what to work towards.

I am so confused and frustrated it brings me to tears sometimes. What am I supposed to do with myself? My spare time goes towards my writing but that could take ages to complete. So, what else do I do that I can achieve short term? I have thought of something I find interesting to do (bookkeeping) but my father doesn’t approve of course.

You’re probably thinking, why do you need his approval if you’re an adult? Good question, excellent question really. It’s not really about that money on education; I have a great credit score and a line of credit that would hold all my expenses until I finish the necessary courses to begin working. So, what’s the problem?

I wish he had a bit of faith in me, to trust I know what I’m trying to do. But, true to form, my father wants me to become a fully qualified accountant… It’s an excellent career path for sure, but would I be any good at it? Crossroads: I’m not liking it at all.

[Feeling Impatient…Crisis of Writing Faith?]

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I’m feeling impatient with myself.

It’s not really a new feeling towards myself, but it’s definitely something I wish I didn’t feel… Or at least not feel it so intensely.

I have lists, some written down and some floating around in my head, that literally keep my awake at night. They also keep me from having a restful night’s sleep, which makes things worse…

I have so many ideas I want to get down on paper and on my laptop, but I feel limited when I sit down to do so. I wouldn’t definite it as writer’s block because I’ve experienced that before, and this isn’t it.

I feel as though I’m crumbling in on myself when it comes to my writing. I don’t want to describe it as dark and due to potential depression or anxiety but… it’s striking fear of failure.

I guess all I can do is try to find some sort of confidence in myself and trust I know even an inkling of what I’m attempting to accomplish.

I hate trying to be optimistic for myself. I was to be optimistic when it comes to me but it’s extremely tiring. I don’t feel fake saying it to my friends and family who I know, I KNOW, can be so amazing, because I do believe it… I just have difficulties saying it to myself and believing it.

And yes, Fact #125 is something I have been doing for years…

Mental Update

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If you have read my blog the last few days, you know I lost my 14 year old Australian Shepherd, Willow on Friday morning. I’m still reeling from the thought that she’s gone. Currently, I am off from work this week and visiting my father in Beaverton, On. Away from everything, I’m hoping for a bit of space and a change of pace to get my mind back on track. I plan on getting a lot accomplished this week, so stay tuned for more Uncanny Sublime ^_^

I also was to mention my Campaign on IndieGoGo to raise some funds for writing, editing, and publishing books, and to get my editing services up and running. I’m looking to raise about $260 for these materials. Now, it doesn’t seem like a lot and a small amount that I could probably raise on my own through work… Well the truth is, my budget is extremely tight. Working retail about only a little above minimum wage with unsteady hours while going through a writing program and working on my stories, I don’t have a lot of cash to spare. Whether it is through a small donation or kind words of encouragement, everything is welcome.  You can find the campaign, and it’s perks, [HERE]

There is only 20 days left in the campaign and any help is greatly appreciated!