pop another pill, what’s another pharmaceutical

the narcotic high that puts your brain in a veil

an infinite space expanding in a tight skull

the limitlessness, bound around anxious turmoil

the high that creeps into my mind

is the only escape I have when the pressure is on

that far away feeling of knowing you’re doing wrong

that’s never replaced by guilt

the few hours of escape I treasure

right until the end

when reality comes invading back.


[It’s Christmas!]


It’s Christmas!

I have to admit, this past year, these past six weeks even, have been nothing but confusing, chaotic, and filled with emotional turmoil. The last six weeks have been filled with tears and frustration. It hasn’t been for nothing (I hope) and it has reminded me how strong a person I am and can potentially be. A certain strength and endurance must accompany the holiday season and it’s different for everyone, whether it’s surviving family or being alone, the retail floodgates, or surviving the cold of a harsh winter because they have no home.

This time of year, every media outlet, grocery store, and shopping mall, has information on and simple ways to help support those that struggle to have good in the fridge, let alone presents under a Christmas tree. Why not donate a few dollars to help out someone else, to purchase a couple extra cans of food to place in a donation bin available at any grocery store? It doesn’t hurt, unless your own situation is strained, but for the majority of us if our money isn’t going towards bills or food, it ends up spent on material things that end up at the back of the closet. Why not give yourself a bit of good karma at a time when most end up acting like cranky grumps with a pet humbug on their shoulder?

What disappoints me however, among other things about the human race and consumerism, is the immense emphasis that is places on what people don’t have at Christmas time, when it is all year that these families are struggling to get by. Yes, the holidays is promoted as a time for giving and charity because of the ridiculous amount of money being spent on crap, and usually for people we don’t care much about. We are willingly spending weeks’ worth of pay cheques on things people don’t need when there are entire families that could be putting it to much better use. Animal shelters too, like the Humane Society, that has dozens of mouths to feed year round, could be using that money for so many better things then we could think of for ourselves.

Now, you could be thinking what I’m saying is all well and good, and we need to consider helping those in our communities and not just around the holidays, but what is she getting for Christmas? Well, now that I’ve just had my 23rd birthday, I’ve realized how practical most of my gifts have been over the past years. New clothes to replace old ones, which are then donated, new boots, sneakers, and a winter coat, to replace ones I’ve owned since high school, hardly ever new electronics, unless something has ceased to work, and new headphones this year due to my new hearing loss. Save for a pair of earrings from my father (to match a pair my mum gave me for graduation, so for sentimental reasons), whatever else, I think I will donate to food bins, the Humane Society, and the WWF Wildlife Conservation efforts for tigers.

Over the years, I’ve realized that I really don’t want anything extravagant anymore, and anything I do find that I want, I purchase with my own hard earned money. Because of this, I have been told I am exceedingly difficult to buy for simply because I don’t want much. Christmas isn’t a time for ‘getting’ anymore for me. I think it’s more about making sure the people I care about have what they need. For myself, I’d rather be saving for my move to Toronto, for the maintenance on my SUV, and for however many years from now, when I am looking to buy my first condo or house. I think the families that are helped this time of year have the same worry about the future. Things right now are good, but what about in the spring, summer, and autumn when the rest of society doesn’t place such an intense scope on struggling families?

A Christmas in July is sounding more encouraging in aiding the plight of low or no income families who need more than just Christmas assistance. But short of society becoming less materialistic and more charitable in the next six months, those that are more aware of what is going on in their community are going to need to keep up their efforts and hopefully in time more will come around to the charitable way of thinking.

For now, allow me to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and good health in this frighteningly cold Canadian weather, and please, spread the good-will a bit. There are many less fortunate than us and the only way some can pick themselves up is with our help. When we already have all we need, why not make someone else happy by providing at least some of what they desperately need?

Stay safe, stay warm, and stay compassionate this winter season!

[Poem][Painting Pictures]


Painting Pictures

I paint pictures with words

I form a reality with fantasy

I can create anything with words

A raging, thundering storm, a calm, peaceful day

The disaster of the century, the highlight of a life

Words are so much more than letters

They are expressions waiting to be felt

[Poem][A word means…]


A word means…

A word can means so much,

So little – everything – and nothing-

It can hurt – it can heal,

It can save a life.

It could be ugly,

Mostly beautiful meanings.

Full of love and hope –

Angst and pain.

It is so difficult – easy,

To write something full of heart.

Words can brighten your day,

Or take away – give you peace of mind.

There is only one way,

To truly – lie – explain

That a word can mean,

Nothing – anything.

6 July ’06

[The Difference between Night and Day][Part 3]


The Difference between Night and Day – Part 3

After the Finale

An infinite amount of days and nights had passed since the fateful day brother and sister were divided by a god among gods who was simply looking for some peace and quiet. Like clockwork, night and day phased from one into the other without contestation from either side. Even when the weather down poured or hailed or threated to tear trees from their homes in the ground, night and day remained full of cheerful voices and laughter. The people were content, and the gods were content with that.

However, Aleigha could not understand why it as that Sol and Luna were punished so harshly when a more humane solution could have been arranged. She would not have then been separated from her dearest Sol and Luna eternally.

What many failed to realize or, more accurately, admit, is that the great Morpheus was capable of making mistakes, but he did make one when he cast the curse that parted the twin siblings. After Morpheus had left that night, Sol and Luna said their goodbyes and then also parted. When Luna returned home, her friends surrounded her and eagerly asked the outcome of the days quarrel. Luna did not express much remorse for the outcome that Morpheus came to as Aleigha did because he was not bound to someone else as she was. She also knew that informing Luna of the negative outcome the decision created would be pointless. Her friend was not necessarily selfish but she did find it difficult to think beyond herself until all she needed to say was said. Aleigha knew Luna would not be finished for some time, even though she was satisfied by the decision.

The day was still fresh and Aleigha did not know when Morpheus’ spell would take effect. It has been about half an hour since Luna had arrived back home and she still has not ceased speaking. Being driven by the ache of love, Aleigha slowly rose from her from her seat behind Luna and quietly made her way to leave the room. Luna didn’t even notice her friend’s presence leave her, she just continued speaking of the day’s events to a now empty room.

Running out of their home and across courtyards, gardens, and pathways, Aleigha became out of breath a short distance beyond the spot the earlier events had taken place. Slowing her pace to regain her composure, her eyes began searching the surrounding area for Sol. She hoped desperately that the time she had wasted patiently waiting for Luna to cease speaking had not given Sol enough time to wander far away. She quickened her pace once more.

She did not need to though, because there had remained Sol, sitting on one of the stone benches near the edge of the city’s ground. For a sickening moment, Aleigha thought that Sol may throw himself over the edge down the mortal world below before she would have her chance to speak with him. Remorse shrouded his hollow gaze that stretched over the open sky. She cried his name.

The pain in his eyes as he realized who desperately called his name radiated from his face. He stood as she ran to him, his arms opening just in time embrace his love’s fragile body close against his own. He felt weak with her in his arms, helpless to make that embrace feel like anything more than something to lean on. He felt like there was no means to comfort the one person who cared about him more than themselves.

But she did feel comfort in him arms, that there was some sort of hope for them regardless of the decisions that were made for them. The only control they seemed to have was their embrace in this moment, that they knew would not, could not last much longer. When the day ended, their time together would also end and Sol would live in the day and Aleigha in the night with Luna.

“I don’t want you to leave me,” whispered Aleigha barely above her breath. Her sadness was too much to raise her voice any louder.

Sol’s grip on her tightened, “I don’t want to leave you either, but there isn’t anything I can do. I should have said something more, I should have done more for our sake but my damn pride got in the way. For you, I should have moved mountains, but instead I failed you.”

“Don’t, please don’t say such things. Things with your sister, they have never been easy, we shouldn’t have expected this to be any different… The pair of you just have your own way to love each other, and it just doesn’t allow you to be together.”

“But now we can’t be together at all. I should have just conceded to Luna-“

“Yes, perhaps you should have, and then my poor friend, that you say you care so much for, would not be in tears.”

Sol looked in the direction that Aleigha had ran to him from as Aleigha unburied her tear-stricken face from Sol’s chest. Luna had noticed that she was speaking to an empty room, and had known almost instantly where her friend had disappeared to. She had heard rumours that her brother had been romantically involved with one of her friends, but she never thought it was with her best friend Aleigha. Aleigha was her friend, there was no reason for Sol to need her as well.

“Aleigha, sweetheart, you cannot be serious in having feelings for my brother of all people. Ha, he’s my brother, what is there to see in him? You have me as your friend, silly. Come back with me now and I’ll set about cheering you up,” Luna smiled at her friend, a slight pleading in her eyes. She silently hoped she would not need to tell her friend why she truly wanted her friend to come home with her, especially in the presence of her brother.

“No, I won’t. I can’t, I need to stay with Sol for as long as I am able to. I need to figure out how to fix this.” Fresh salty tears began rolling down Aleigha’s soft flushed cheeks. Her eyes softened as she looked upwards at Sol’s face, and a small smile passed over her light lips, “I love him.”

Sol stroked the edge of Aleigha’s face, gently wiping away her tears. This one small act combined with Aleigha’s words broke Luna. Unabashed, Luna’s own tears flowed with heavy freedom down her face as she cried out in her own pain. “Did you ever stop to think about my feelings and not just your own? Why do you think I always tried to keep you so close to me? You’re my best friend. I love you too, you silly girl.”

Aleigha let out a sigh that seemed to have reached down from the depths of her very being. She never realized that Luna honestly cared for her in any capacity other than a fixture in your presence to listen to her qualms about herself. This complicated things beyond repair. Now she could not just find a way to be with Sol, but with Luna as well. Perhaps she could go to Morpheus and have him retract his decision or modify it at the very least. But just as the thought crossed her mind, so did the knowledge that Morpheus had never done such a thing in his history of being the liaison of dreams.

Luna cautiously made her way to the forlorn couple and gently placed a hand on Aleigha’s arm. Aleigha wrapped her arm around Luna and lovingly embraced the two twins. There was a means of being with both of her dearest friends but just as everything else, there would be consequences. The choice would bring further pain to them all but at least it would be fair, and that was the best she could manage with so little time left. One had t learn quickly about the plain they belonged to and about those who influenced their lives with or without their consent. They were no more free living here than any mortal who lived below.

Aleigha took a step back from her friends but held onto one of each of their hands. With more tears in her eyes she smiled at them and took another step back, closer to the edge of their world. Her hands began to slip out of theirs, only her fingers clasping theirs. It is rarely easy letting go of the one’s we love, and even more difficult to do so without them realizing it and attempting to prevent you from doing what you knew would be best. Words were also unneeded, but that gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of one’s stomach makes you feel otherwise.

“Sol, Luna…,” But no other words could Aleigha manage, and she silently hoped her warm smile and bright glinting eyes would voice more than words could.

Aleigha took one last step back. Her fingers slipped out of theirs for the last time. She fell to the mortal world below.


            The summer air oiled with immense heat that reached into every crevasse of the day. She could tell he was still angry with her for what she had done, but not so upset to raise the humidity to an unbearable degree. Already the hottest summer on record for these mortals, she knew in her heart Sol only wanted her to be happy, even if he could not physically be by her side any longer.

The nights though, oh how soothing and comforting the cool air felt now that Luna’s temperament had mellowed with her absence. She was glad that she was able to help Luna realize her own inner peace among the turmoil that has been lost in her self-centeredness. Luna was still sad though, the late night thunderstorms filled with her sadness that appeared out of nowhere, which the mortals blamed on the intense heat during the day, dug into her own saddened loneliness more than anything.

This had been the only solution that Aleigha could think of. Although it had caused great pain for all three of them, at least now she could spend equal time with both her great loves.

Perhaps in time, with the changes in Sol and Luna continued for the better, Morpheus would change their fates once more.